still alive - glorious Christmas - and looking forward to 2011

I'm still "off the wagon" but maintaining my weight. I'm struggling on all fronts but still alive. I'm using the last couple days of 2010 to just release the guilt and on Monday I will post new goals and start over again.

2011 is going to be EPIC!

Comments

Laura said…

Glad to "see" you and looking forward to joining you in an EPIC 2011!

December 30, 2010 at 1:07 PM

Molly said…

Hey! Where are you?? Hope everything is good! Just wanted you to know someone out there is wondering about ya!

January 20, 2011 at 8:36 PM

day 1 no sugar...again.... and finding an OA meeting

Today I read a blog that really finally pushed me over the edge. In a good way. I NEED OA. I went to the meetings with my church group, got started, really had some good break throughs, but I can't do this on my own. I need to quit dinking around and find a meeting to go to. It won't be a quick fix, but I'm really struggling with the food addiction part on my own. And recently I've been lecturing a friend about their husband's addiction. His addiction is gambling - and he's stooped to stealing from family it's that bad. And he goes to meetings but - as she tells me - they don't HAVE 12 steps there, it's "too complicated with all the religion stuff." So I've been preaching the 12 step program to her...hypocritical of me since I haven't followed through on my own meetings. Today I find a meeting and by this time next week, I will attend a meeting. I am powerless over sugar. Last night after I blogged about day whatever ...

PHEW - She's a Brick....hoooouse....no, wait.

Ok. So tonight I planned on running. Came home, sat down for little while. Forced myself to get up and put on my running clothes. Went out the front door...was NOT feeling it. Came back inside disppointed. Sat down. Got up, changed shoes, pulled out the spinner (stationary bike) and put a scary movie on. Biked for 1 hour 3 minutes. about 1 hour 2 min. in I decided I was going to put in a mile run afterwards - in triathalon training it's called a "brick". It's meant to simulate the transition from one event to another. From swim to bike or from bike to run. Doing a brick teaches you just how it feels - in this case my legs were JELLO from the biking. But I ran. One mile. in 12 min. 42 seconds - not too shabby!! But better than that - I broke my streak of "nothing". And I had a good dinner, one piece of flatbread pizza and a large tomato salad (no pictures, sorry). About 200...

two thumbs up from the Russian judge...

So, tonight, after a put a batch of Taco soup in the crock pot, I headed out for my training run. 4 miles. I say that self depreciatingly - you just can't READ that online. ONLY 4 miles. MERELY 4 miles. Not running the whole way, just intervals. Anything to take the credit or joy out of it. The reality is I should be proud. SHOULD be. But my stupid head tells me "It's only 4 miles. and you're not RUNNING all of it - don't be fooled, you're still fat, you can't run, so don't you dare be proud, even for a moment" STUPID STUPID STUPID. I should be proud. I should at least not be so damn hard on myself. As I was typing the above words out loud, the insulting ones, a thought popped into my head that made my eyes water a little. That voice. It was my dad's. Never good enough. Never smart enough. Never responsible enough. Never clean enough. Just Never Enough. That should have been my nam...

Laura Gets Shit Done

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