Laura Gets Shit Done

...hence the silence.  I'm SO grateful for this baby growing inside me - but I'm struggling with demons that have been in me for my entire life.  I realize what a blessing it is to be able to get pregnant, to stay pregnant, to have healthy baby.  I thank God every single day for the blessings he brings to my life.  We got news this week that this baby is a very healthy, strong, growing - BOY.  Which is awesome.  You could have knocked me over with a feather - I was sure this was a girl.  But, apparently, I was wrong! God continues to surprise me!! I'm still suffering morning sickness - and I'm combating it by taking meds every night and making sure I'm never hungry.  Which means eating all. the. time. What a horrible thing to complain about - right?  I mean - this should be a dream come true.  But I'm blowing it.  I'm making horrible choices.  Not all the time.  But enough for me to feel guilty.  For eati...

Not much to report here, I'm tired, I'm getting bigger, I'm eating all day long...I'm 19 weeks along now and right on track for weight gain according to my doctor.  So I'm trying to be nice to myself about my choices and the fact that it feels out of control (compared to when I was trying to lose weight). I'm staying off the scale mostly - I weigh myself about once a week or so but I'm trying really hard not to let the numbers get me upset.  BUT - what I'm struggling with - and it's new to me - is body image issues.  I KNOW I'm pregnant.  I KNOW my belly is getting bigger.  I KNOW there's a baby causing that - but I'm really struggling with my own perception of a larger tummy.  After losing 130 pounds 9 years ago, I had a reconstructive tummy tuck.  I was middle heavy so when I lost the weight, I had a huge "skin apron" that hung down to my thighs.  I had the tummy tuck and have had a (relatively) flat stomach since then.  I...

well...because that means that even while baby's growing, I'm keeping my weight steady!!  It's funny how staying the same feels like a win right now.  I'm making healthy choices most of the time but I'm not limiting much (I'm even not doing great on the candy front - when I feel icky and tired and *fill in the blank* I really just can't stop thinking about it - Addicted?  *sigh*) But I'm walking a little more - just little stuff, parking farther, getting off the bus earlier, walking around work - but it all counts.  It's funny how it's easy to give someone else credit for their small steps when it's hard to credit ourselves - anyone else feel that way?  I commented on a fellow blogger about she is walking home from work - it's 3 miles.  She was bummed about walking and I commented that it counts for activity points (she's doing WW).  And while I'm not doing WW, I don't give myself any credit for walking to/from the bus (3/4 ...

well, the jury's still out but I'd say I mostly survived.  I ate pretty healthy - no candy...until...*sigh* Cadbury Creme eggs.  I had to return a redbox movie to the grocery store (you know, the VERY store I've been avoiding!?!) and I went by myself.  I also had to pick up some more Unisom (I've got hyperemisis and Unisom keeps the morning sickness/throwing up under control enough to avoid ER visits).  As I practically ran from the back of the store (where the Unisom is) to the register (where the Cadbury Eggs are) I mentally argued with myself and lost.  I picked up ONE Cadbury eggs (which I count as a victory - I usually eat them in pairs AND they were on sale 2 for $1 - a trick my brain readily falls for).  I unwrapped it before I left the store, tossed the wrapper in the can out front, and gobbled that egg down before I pulled into my driveway less than 2 minutes later. I'm so ashamed.  But I'm not letting it derail me.  I did well the rest ...

And by Good I mean "Good LORD this is hard".  *sigh* Today's Friday - and I've got a fridge stocked with healthy food so my resolve is to not go to the grocery store/convenience store/mini mart so that I can avoid the temptation of buying candy.  We had an open house at my husband's shop yesterday - I single handed-ly served food to 200 men with only 2 crock pots and a electric griddle.  20 cans of chili, 15 pounds of meatballs, and 2 family size jars of BBQ sauce were the 'main course'.  Side dishes were bags of chips, veggie and fruit trays, and cookies.  Nothing fancy - these are car aficionado's, not food critics.  Today I'm beat.  Very tired, very sore, and really just READY for the weekend.  TTFN, LauraLynne

As a food addict, I eat when I'm tired, emotional, bored, etc.  I struggle to deal with the emotions directly, instead I eat.  At 17 weeks pregnant, I'm always tired and especially emotional.  With excessive morning sickness, I am REQUIRED to eat all day long, never having an empty tummy (or else it starts a downward spiral of yuckiness).  This combo is tough to combat.  I'm really struggling.  Mostly I'm struggling with knowing the right answer and not doing it . The answer is healthy choices.  And most of the time I make great choices.  But when I get off track, it's HUGE.  It's not a mini-candy, it's several king size.  (I'm *eye rolling* myself right here).  Instead of surgery on my stomach 10 years ago, I should have had surgery on my brain.  So how do I tap into DOING the right thing again.  I've been toying again with the idea of going to OA.  Just to do SOMETHING.  Some Action.  A first ste...

I've been avoiding the blogging world - for a couple reasons.  My eating has been horrible.  Well, maybe not horrible but definately not brag-worthy or blog-worthy.  I've been embarassed at how much I've regressed back into old eating habits. The other reason is I've been keeping a secret but it's time to come clean.  I've been gaining weight - only a little - and with my doctor's full permission.  As of today, I'm 16weeks 4 days pregnant, and this one's here to stay!  I'm excited.  And nervous. And sick as a dog with morning sickness.  I've used all of the above as an excuse to jump off the wagon (and load it with junk food to drag around with me all day).  I've had chips and candy and sugar - and not in small quantities.  I now weight 205.  Up from 190.  But holding steady and fully aware of the changes I need to make - again. Mostly my problem is that I have morning sickness 24 hours a day.  It's like really bad mot...