Laura Gets Shit Done

What a great way to start the day!  I got this award from a woman who's blog is one of the first I started following - she inspires me so for her to give me this award...well, I'm delighted and tickeled and downright giddy - thank you 266 (who's name I'm not sure of!!) But go read her blog - she's amazing, 115 pounds gone and one of the most determined people I (virtually) know of! And now the fun part - I get to pass it along!!!  The hard part is picking only 6.  So without further ado I give you, in no particular order, 6 bloggers who inspire me! Skinny me...coming soon - read her here Laura - read her blog here Molly - she's found here drazil - her brand of laughter here Tiff - blows my mind with her commitment Julie - I look forward to every single one of her posts ! I'll save my weigh in and April goals for another post! Happy Friday everyone! TTFN, LauraLynne

Today I read a blog that really finally pushed me over the edge.  In a good way.  I NEED OA.  I went to the meetings with my church group, got started, really had some good break throughs, but I can't do this on my own.  I need to quit dinking around and find a meeting to go to.  It won't be a quick fix, but I'm really struggling with the food addiction part on my own.  And recently I've been lecturing a friend about their husband's addiction.  His addiction is gambling - and he's stooped to stealing from family it's that bad.  And he goes to meetings but - as she tells me - they don't HAVE 12 steps there, it's "too complicated with all the religion stuff."  So I've been preaching the 12 step program to her...hypocritical of me since I haven't followed through on my own meetings.  Today I find a meeting and by this time next week, I will attend a meeting. I am powerless over sugar.  Last night after I blogged about day whatever

well, it's not quite over - but there's none in the house and I"m in house clothes already.  I had a great dinner:  single egg 'omlet' with ground turkey, asparagus, onion, egg, and laughing cow garlic cheese wedge.  It looks like something I scraped off my shoe...but man on man, it was delicious!!  And I had a bowl of strawberries for dessert.  Now I'm waiting for my husband to come home and watching Biggest Loser.  That show has my in tears every time...today it was the remaining contestants going to Texas to try and inspire other people.  They picked 100 people and they all did a 5k.  I ws doing ok until the final woman crossed the finish line.  She said: "I can't believe I did that - I can't even walk around Wal*Mart - I have to use a cart" I want to be that inspiring.  So many people do that for me - many of them don't even know it - I read their blogs, look at their pictures, follow along as they battle.  We're all a work in

so - the other day I blogged about my dilema with my daughter .  About revealing or concealing my addiction to her.  and today I read this (on a website that's supposed to be humorous): My kids don't know my baggage...to tell them might destroy them.  Not telling them means they really don't know me. That sums it up for me.  TTFN, LauraLynne

I've been sliding - and sugar's been the gateway.  So it's gone.  Not ALL sugar - just the junk stuff. No more chocolate, ice cream, blizzards, sweet treats.  I will still be eating my instant oatmeal and occassionally birthday cake (in very small qty).  I will still be eating fruits and natural sugar.  But I just can't do the junk anymore.  I'm obsessing.  I'm distracted.  I'm losing the battle.  I do not want to lose!!  So I'm fighting back by cutting sugar out.  Today's actually day #2.  Yesterday was successful - including an impromptu "I'm STARVING" trip to the grocery store for a 9pm dinner instead of a drive through.  I marched to the deli for a sandwich and said to myself "no sugar, no candy, no sugar..." with every step.  It was my mantra.  Our candy bowl at work has been empty while that coworker has been out with knee surgery.  She comes back tomorrow.  I will NOT partake, even if I "deserve" it. 

I have a confession...I've been focusing on my running to much that I've let my food choices, well, they're not horrible but I've definately slid a little.  I keep allowing myself little treats - a bit of chocolate here, a hand full of M&M's there, grazing at a family birthday party - and last night 1/2 a small blizzard.  Ok - not enough to kill me or even set me back much.  But I recognize the signs.  I'm eating when I'm not hungry, giving in to cravings, making excuses (did you know that running 9.36 miles burns 2035 calories - I mean come on - who wouldn't want to use a few of those on something indulgent?!) But this journey is only periphrially about weight loss.  It's mostly about addiction.  My addiction.  To food.  And my journey to a normal relationship with food and eating.  And I've slid a little.  And I've justified it by saying it's not as bad as it could be.  But if I'd blogged - or journaled - during the past eff

Before After Time 11.9 minute miles!!!!!!!! Omg. TTFN, LauraLynne

Today I'm feeling pretty good about myself.  9.2 miles.  Me.  Run/Jog/Walking.  Me!  OK - enough of that... moving right along Yesterday's weigh in was - drum roll - 204.2.  Ok, not spectacular but moving in the right direction.  And I went and bought some new clothes.  Well, not new new 'cause I'm cheap that way...but thrift store new to me clothes.  Couple dresses, pair of pants, and a couple shirts.  I'm excited to freshen things up a little.  My wardrobe is stale.. And on tomorrow's agenda:  a 5k!  A race - and I'm excited because my brain says "It's ONLY 3.1 miles"  What a giant chage.  3.1 miles.  That's a long distance but my brain isn't freaking out over it.  That's a good change.  Until tomorrow ladies!  Have a great weekend!! TTFN, LauraLynne

9.2 miles done.  mile 5.5-7 were straight uphill and I walked it.  total time: 2hours 25 minutes 25 seconds.  And I napped instead of watching my son's baseball game.  My legs are DOG tired.  I anticipate hobbling in my near future.  Thanks for the support everyone! TTFN, LauraLynne

What I want is a nap. What I need is to run. Today my long run. I'm mentally tied up in knots. 9 miles. Me. That's the plan. The route is from home to my sons baseball game. My husband is driving and bringing my snack, a change of clothes, and a chair for me. Blatantly asking for prayers, good wishes, and generally support. Thanks in advance everyone!! TTFN, LauraLynne

I had a big long blog last night on my phone while waiting for my daughter's soccer to end - but someone called and the Blogger ap didn't save ANY of it...so I'll start from scratch, it's never as good the second time but bear with me: I have a 16 year old daughter.  On the way to soccer last night, I struck up a conversation with her starting with "how much do you think I struggle with my weight?"  Her reply floored me.  She said that she noticed that I would get frustrated with my clothes sometimes but otherwise didn't notice much.  I always figured that everyone could see my addiction, except me.  I've always assumed that it was obvious - like a neon sign flashing over my head.  And although I've have only recently admitted that it IS an addiction - I've always assumed that everyone around me could see that something was WRONG.  But in hearing her answer - and trying to stand and look from the outside - I'm trying to determine what

I don't have much to report on from a food or running perspective.  I'm having to plan my running more since the long runs take so (@#%@#$^) long.  My plan calls for me to run NINE miles on Friday - that's goign to take me over 2 hours.  So I have to plan it carefully.  And my son has a baseball game.  So - much to my husband's shock - I'm going to RUN to his game.  Google maps tells me it's 9.2 miles.  My mind is BLOWN by the idea.  Truly.  And my nagging self-doubt voice - well, I'm trying to ignore it. So training is going well - the race is on June 25th - which feels like so close yet so far away.  I'll have to figure out a maintenence plan for afterwards.  If I finish (and don't die...) I will probably sign up for the Malibu half marathon - a destination race!  It will keep me focused, or hopefully so. Food wise I'm slacking a little - I'm not logging but I am keeping mental track.  I will log if I think I've forgotten somethin

ok - so this will make NO Sense to some of you - and of that I'm envious.  But for some of you - hopefully at least one of you so I'm not alone - it will make perfect sense. I keep track of food.  Like a food inventory.  Like an addict.  What food I have - how much is left - where it is, etc.  I keep better track of my food than I do my money.  (Can you be addicted to money?).  In any case.  Sometimes this causes me to obsess about things.  Like if I buy a treat for myself.  Let's say sugar free chocolate pudding.  And it comes in a four pack.  I can tell you off the top of my head how many are left and where in the fridge I left them at.  And some days I will spend all day thinking about the one pudding left in the fridge to the point where as soon as I get home, I will eat it just to STOP thinking about it.  Yes, I know I'm not healthy.  What I do as a "solution" to this is not buy foods that I'm likely to obsess about.  There's no junk food in

My weekend was full of kids - driving my daughter to soccer 300+  miles away - then driving home the same day and driving another 60 miles to my son's baseball tournament.  Driving is a binge trigger.  I tried to prepare - I packed snacks and lunch, we ate at Subway (Club Salad for the win!) and generally I did "OK".  I ate some candy though.  I was tired, I was sick of driving, I was frustrated with the 3 girls we took with us - I had HAD it.  So I had a bag of M&M's.  That was my reward.  Better than the past.  And I really didn't see it as a binge.  But it wasn't on the plan.  I'm stronger each time.  And that's a GOOD thing. I didn't have time to run on Saturday - 4 miles was in my training plan but there was just NO WAY to do it.  I left the house at 6:45 in the morning, got all the way across WA state by noon, took a much needed nap for 60 minutes, watched the soccer game (we lost, bummer), then piled everyone back in the truck and hea

well.  2 weeks of a lot of negative talk - quite a bit of binging, a gain last week.  It hasn't been pretty.  I've blogged most of the feelings but some of them are still quite burried and I haven't found words for them yet.  But today - I'm back.  Scale reads: 205.4 Я могу это сделать! (I can DO this!) TTFN, LauraLynne

Julie is working her BUTT off - literally and figuratively.  And I'm one of her cheerleaders!! WOOHOO!!  My high school dreams weren't dashed...only delayed!!

So, tonight, after a put a batch of Taco soup in the crock pot, I headed out for my training run.  4 miles.  I say that self depreciatingly - you just can't READ that online.  ONLY 4 miles.  MERELY 4 miles.  Not running the whole way, just intervals.  Anything to take the credit or joy out of it.  The reality is I should be proud.  SHOULD be.  But my stupid head tells me "It's only 4 miles.  and you're not RUNNING all of it - don't be fooled, you're still fat, you can't run, so don't you dare be proud, even for a moment" STUPID STUPID STUPID. I should be proud.  I should at least not be so damn hard on myself.  As I was typing the above words out loud, the insulting ones, a thought popped into my head that made my eyes water a little.  That voice.  It was my dad's.  Never good enough. Never smart enough. Never responsible enough. Never clean enough. Just Never Enough.  That should have been my name as a child.  So how do I make that

Thank you to Keelie - I'm rising to her challenge. She says: I would venture to say that for most people who are trying to lose weight and get healthy right now, it's not their first rodeo. We've pretty much all been here before and we keep ending up back in the same spot. Overweight, tired, frustrated, and desperate. Why? Not sure. But I want to challenge you to do something that might help make this the LAST time you find yourself here. I really believe that this is the last time I am going to be here and the difference this time is that I set myself up for a breakthrough early on. After that day, I knew I could do things differently than I ever had before--in all areas of my life. The way to do this is to set a goal. Probably a physical activity goal but it doesn't have to be. Think of a goal that is totally attainable and something that can be done in the course of a day, week at the most. The quicker you reach this goal the better. Now think about this goal and si

I'm so frustrated.  No matter what I do, the nagging binging voice will not go away.  I feel like I struggle with it more than 'normal'.  This IS addiction.  I recognize that.  And sometimes I win the battle, I silence the voice.  But lately, and especially after this weekend, the voice is loud and obnoxious.  And convincing.  Today it was a box of Fiddle Faddle.  I mean come on.  Not even chocolate.  Fiddle Faddle.  I don't really even LIKE Fiddle Faddle, not really.  But that was part of the binge.  At least I wasn't binging on something I love.  That makes it ok, right?  Jeez.  I see progress on the scale - at least mostly.  And I'm wearing smaller sizes.  And I friggin' ran SEVEN MILES tonight.  Could I have done that in December?  Not even with a gun to my head.  Then why can't I feel proud.  Feel progress.  Feel the effort?? I'm frustrated.  All of this feels like something I HAVE to do.  Like a chore.  I rarely enjoy it.  I like cooking - I

Just to catch everyone up - we left town for the weekend on Thursday morning. Headed from Seattle to Portland where there's a giant swap meet and we've got a booth there that I work all weekend selling old car parts. I knew it was going to be a challenge from both a food point of view and keeping my half marathon training going. I knew it. And I tried to prepare for it. I packed a cooler full of food I could eat. Including some new foods that I wanted to try - Laughing Cow light cheese. All my running clothes (and then some!). A bag to tote food into the swap meet with me. All the tools. We arrived (after a 4 hour road trip) Thursday mid-day. And I did well on the road trip and at the hotel. I even mapped out my run for the day. It was a 5 mile long run for the week. We got settled into the hotel, I had a light snack (Yum - the Laughing cow cheese is amazing!) and I changed clothes to go running. 1 hour and 45 minutes later, I was still lost - and still running. I finally b

well, this weekend was difficult at best.  But the good news is that I'm over it.  209.2 and starting fresh today.  I'll talk more about it later.  I didn't dive in head first - but given the gain, I did make several less than stellar choices.  But better than in the past.  The journey is not over, the chaise lounge awaits me! TTFN, LauraLynne

So the other day as I was running along in my neighborhood – my brain was spinning in its usual 1,000 directions. Anything but thinking about the physical torture I was putting myself through. One of the spinning topics were this picture: Losing weight is like a day at the beach. You look around, the sun is shining, the surf is calm, people are laying around in swimsuits just relaxing and enjoying themselves. But your beach chair, your swim suit, your cooler of beach refreshments are all buried under the sand…and you’re faced with a choice. Live life on top of the sand – a little uncomfortable and with the knowledge of all that awaits you if you DO the work … or just do the work. Shovel the sand. Reach your goal. But it’s not easy. You dig and dig and you rarely take time to step back and recognize the progress you’ve made. You only know that you haven’t reached your goal. That the chaise lounge, the fuzzy warm towel, the tropical drinks…they’re all below where you are. And you can’t s

Blogging from Portland Oregon! No scales here equals no weigh in. I did go in my long run last night. Was supposed to be 5 miles. But I got lost. So I ended up running about 7 miles!!! 3/1 intervals still and my legs are sore but I can do this! I've got a ling blog rolling around in my brain but until I get in front of a proper computer, it's going to have to wait. Meanwhile, I'm working our company's booth at the Portland swap meet and there are people walking past with all sorts of yummy food. 10 steps away is the concession stand. But sitting at m side is my munch box (lol-my phone corrected my spelling of lunch box to munch box and I'm leaving it that way!!) and I've got my days worth of food chilling and I've got 3 days to practice my will power!! TTFN, LauraLynne

I really wanted to like it! I don't really like regular yogurt but I will eat it when it's served. I do like custard style yogurt so the reports of Greek style being thicker and more creamy gave me hope. And more protein?? Sign me up!! Well, today's snack was bread thins toast and yogurt. I could only make it 1/3 of the way through the yogurt before giving up. I had the strawberry flavored one and it was too thick and very grainy. I tried to give it a chance since I was expecting a different texture so I thought that might be throwing the taste buds off. But no, alas, no Greek yogurt for me. Bleech. Later tonight I will catch up in how step 4 is going. It's a harder process than I first thought..but I'm getting through it. TTFN, LauraLynne

Tonight's run was "only" 2.5 miles.  I say that because yesterday was 5 miles.  But the training plan calls for picking it up a notch:  run 3 minutes, walk 1 vs. 2/1.  But my time for the same distance was a little slower - just proof that I waddle run as fast as I walk (I think I walk maybe even a little faster!!).  But I did it - another day in the books.  And for that, a 250 calorie dinner (my son cooked while I ran - but he forgot to cook anything besides turkey burgers...so fruit it is!)   The even better news is that I've budget enough calories for a treat later on - I've been struggling with eating late at night, craving carbs.  So I'm going to try budgeting for it and having a bagel thin tonight when/if the craving hits.  We'll see.  This is all about learning and adapting, right?    So - here's a question for vetran blogger - I'd like to be able to respond to people's comments via email or privately, is there an easy way to do that? 

Eating a big meal at night makes me STARVING in the morning!  Usually I only eat breakfast around 8am because my co-worker does and we stand in the kitchen and shoot the breeze while stirring our oatmeal.  This morning, as I was riding the bus into work, my stomach was SERIOUSLY protesting.  If I had been paying attention, I probably would have noticed all the people around me staring...One packet of oatmeal and I'm feeling better.  But 10am snack time will probably be a different story. Yet another reason for eating modestly!  It carries over and can be damaging later!! And - I brought my book and notebook with me today.  I spent my entire commute (an hour) writing and working on step 4.  I'm going to end up with a novel's worth of writing.  I'm doing it long hand because that's what's easiest for me and it's so much more portable.  But darn!  I forgot how much holding a pen hurts <--- yes, I really just said that holding a pen is painful.  We type co

Just got home.  One of the benefits of not being super close to my family is we didn't have any brunches to navigate, no large family gatherings to feel uncomfortable at.  Just church - and then volunteering in the nursery afterwards, and the rest of the day to ourselves!!  The kids got invited to my dad's house - so off they went right after church.  I did have a little moment of stumbling.  As a gift to the volunteers, there was a giant basket of candy.  And I was fine with avoiding it until, from across the room, there was a little glitter...a red and blue glimmer.  My nemisis.  I don't know WHY I obsess so much about some items - it's never obsessing with brocoli or salad or even chips.  It's always sweets.  Usually some sort of holiday candy.  Halloween is candy corn (I may have to leave the US for a month or so this year...I'm just trying to plan ahead), Christmas is sugar cookies, birthdays are cake...and Easter?  Yes, Christ died and rose.  Yes, he died

so - to recap March's goals: Under 210 - Yup!  thank you very much! Run 1 mile continuously - well, sort of.  training is going well and I'm running ~14 minute miles with 2/1 run/walk intervals.  I consider this goal achieved! 100 sit ups - Um... didn't even try.  Whoops! Start working the 12 steps - I'm on step four and a little stalled - and still working on remembering to use the steps...but the goal was to start them and I DID do that! Track all food daily - I think I tracked every day - I may have missed one day in there somewhere? Sign up for April 5K - Yup! You have registered for the BELLEVUE 5K Run/Walk! 4/25/10 8:30am Sign up for Summer Tri - not yet Sign up for Fall 1/2 Marathon - Seattle Rock and Roll on June 26! fit into size 14 jeans - I've got my size 14's on right now!  I still don't consistently fit in all 14's so I will modify this goal a little bit in the coming months and pick a pair of "goal pants" to fit i

Normally in my life, I choose some outrageous goal and go for it. Shoot for the moon an even if you fail you land among the stars. Eating healthy, running, swimming, parenthood - all done with gusto. Binging, wild abandon. Work, play, it doesn't matter, I give it 150%. Keeps people guessing and makes life interesting. For some reason, I haven't been able to do that yet with the twelve steps. I'm on step four. Which asks me to go back through my life, examine the history, find patterns, learn lessons, find reasons. This morning, I put the book and my notebook next to my purse to take with me today. 120 minutes in the bus for my commute (there and back) and a slow day at work and I could make great progress in my writing. I'm in the bus - I remembered my lunch today - but my book got forgotten on the table. Why?? What block do I have to taking this step. It's a huge emotional task. But I need to face it. I need to work through it. I'm feeling successful in my

I hate running.  I really hate running.  But I do it.  Because it works.  And the proof is in the pudding.  Today's weigh in....205.6.  13 weeks, nearly 35 pounds gone!!  I feel unstoppable.  Until the next binge urges anyway...that reminds me, I'm throwing my step 4 notebook in my purse to work on today!  This isn't just about weight loss.  I have to keep reminding myself. And pants are falling down, shirts are sloppy and this weekend it's time to go shopping in my box of "skinny clothes".  I've got April goals set - I'll post them later - and I need to pick out a pair of goal pants for May 1.  I'm going try and wean away from the scale, only weigh 2x a week.  wish me luck!! Off to work with me - I'll post goals later!! TTFN, LauraLynne

so - last night as I was picking up my daughter from work (did you know DQ has a sugar free 50 calorie fudge bar?!), I headed to K-mart where I picked up a new scale.  I weighed in this morning - and made my husband weigh in too.  I'm only .6 pounds away from him now!  I will post my official weigh-in tomorrow like usual.  And then put the scale away until Tuesday.  For the month of April, I will only weigh myself 2 times a week.  I'm weaning myself.  Slowly.  Last night I ate spaghetti - only instead of noodles, I put the sauce over zuchini - it was amazing!!  I could have eating 2 more servings...if only!  Sadly, I fixed my lunch for today and put it in the fridge.  Where it sits.  35 miles away from work.  And probably to be eaten by my teenager for her lunch today.  Tonight I'll go grocery shopping and do some meal planning.  We've got a lazy weekend coming up and I want to get some meals in the freezer for lunches in the coming weeks.  I need to get back on top o