Laura Gets Shit Done

1 - you planned a meal around a binge.  Chips is a biggie for me - when I want chips I usually plan a meal around it - hamburgers, sandwiches, something that GOES with chips.  Then I eat the chips while I'm preparing, put chips with my "meal" and then get seconds while I still have "meal" on my plate.  Then - there's that leftover bag and that gets eaten in the kitchen while everyone else is watching TV and the bag disappears.  2 - you take the longer way home because you want to finish off "xyz" from the grocery store.  This is for when you buy the king size or large bag.  I can scarf a normal size candy bar in the .5 miles from grocery to home.  But larger than a normal candy bar and I take a route that goes away from home before it goes to home.  And because I haven't committed to what time I'll be home, nobody is the wiser.  Except chocolate breath - that's my 'tell'.  3 - secret eating: storing food 'hidden' in th...

Today I will not compulsively overeat.  I will plan my meals, I will eat food that is healthy and feeds my body not my addiction.  I will love myself enough to make it through today with that in mind.  TTFN, LauraLynne

than to keep Costco quantities of trigger foods in my house.  I have no self control.  ARGH!  We're leaving for 2 days in about 30 minutes.  I WILL eat healthy while we're gone (baseball tournament) and I will run.  I will return to my house of goodies and purge this crap OUT of here! And I will start reading my OA book and making a point of working the steps.  Today I will not eat (any more) unhealthy food.  I'm worth it - and if I say it often enough I might start believing it. Weigh in - 201.4  Damn.  Onwards! TTFN, LauraLynne

Ok.  So tonight I planned on running.  Came home, sat down for  little while.  Forced myself to get up and put on my running clothes.  Went out the front door...was NOT feeling it.  Came back inside disppointed.  Sat down.  Got up, changed shoes, pulled out the spinner (stationary bike) and put a scary movie on.  Biked for 1 hour 3 minutes.  about 1 hour 2 min. in I decided I was going to put in a mile run afterwards - in triathalon training it's called a "brick".  It's meant to simulate the transition from one event to another.  From swim to bike or from bike to run.  Doing a brick teaches you just how it feels - in this case my legs were JELLO from the biking.  But I ran.  One mile.  in 12 min. 42 seconds - not too shabby!!  But better than that - I broke my streak of "nothing".  And I had a good dinner, one piece of flatbread pizza and a large tomato salad (no pictures, sorry).  About 200...

I'm in a slump and I don't know why.  I haven't been running - I've been sitting, a lot.  My food's been ok, not perfect, but not bad.  But I haven't been TRYING.  It's like I got past 200 and my brain is ready to celebrate.  It doesn't realize I'm not done!!  I have races coming up - less than a month until I will be running a half marathon for crying out loud! So tonight - I run.  And no snacking.  NO MORE CAPTAIN CRUNCH.  Yes.  Sorry.  Not sure why I'm apologizing but I feel like I've let myself - and people using me as inspiration - down.  But tonight - I will run.  And tomorrow will be meal planning, grocery shopping (and cooking for another open house - feeding 300+ people!!).  And tomorrow I will blog about my first OA meeting.  Preview:  I was a little disappointed in the format but went there with some pretty high expectations.  I will be going back.  Not this weekend - we've got an o...

Ok - so first a confession:  I'm still weighing every day.  I just can't stop!!  end. of. story.  So instead I'm going to learn to not let the number affect me as much.  *shrug* trying something new, that's what this is all about right? So - this week I've been sitting firmly at 200.0 - day and in and day out.  So close!! Friday morning, I got on the scale and WOOT WOOT:  199.0  I was pretty excited - it finally looks like I've lost weight.  I mean - duh - I've lost weight.  But that 1 in front, that really hit home with me.  It validated my efforts.  I know I know - I shouldn't be so tied to a number.  Call the direct line to my brain and tell *IT* that for me, please.  Unfortunately that number's unlisted - even to me.  I am going to try something new.  I will be doing self affirmations every day.  I will find 5 nice things to say about the person staring me back in the mirror.  I will...

so consider this a teaser!  Weigh in: 199.0  yes - I'm under 200!!  WOOT WOOT!! Last night excellent dinner and a movie with the hubby - and still within calorie range!!  WOOT WOOT! Today - OA meeting #1 - I mate it!  WOOT WOOT!! Ok - off to enjoy the weather - more details later! TTFN, LauraLynne

It's what's for dinner! Of course I had to fix tortellini for everyone else because they don't like mushrooms...more for me!! TTFN, LauraLynne

So to start with I would like to thank Aylilth for thinking of me and passing it on to me! Ok now here are the rules. 1. Get really excited that you got the coolest award EVER! 2. Choose ONE of the following options of accepting the OMB award: (a) Get really drunk and blog for 15 minutes straight, or for as long as you can focus. (b) Write about your most embarrassing moment. (c) Write a “Soundtrack of your childhood” post. (d) Make your next blog a ‘vlog’/video blog. Basically, you’re talking to the camera about whatever. (e) Take a picture of yourself first thing in the morning, before you do anything else (hair, makeup, etc) and post it. 3. Pass this award onto at least 3, but preferably more, awesome bloggers as yourself. Don’t forget to tell them. 1 - DONE!  Of course I'm really excited!!  WOOHOO!! 2 - well, I don't drink so (a) is out...(c) I dont' quite understand...(d) I don't have a camera to do a vlog and (e) I can barely operate my lungs i...

Tonight I did it.  No - not that, he's not even home yet ;) I made a phone call.  To the leader of the Saturday OA group.  Let me just say I'd rather give a speech on a topic I know nothing about to the city of Seattle standing stark naked  than make a phone call to someone that I've never met.  But I screwed up my courage and called him.  Found out which door to go into on Saturday and asked that if he saw someone wandering the parking lot to try and drag me in.  so now I've committed to y'all and to him.  And to myself.  I'm going.  End. Of. Story.  *phew* Off to finish watching The Biggest Loser...the contestants are home and binging.  Interesting.  Shows they're human.  I was beginning to doubt it.  There's a lesson in that.  TTFN, LauraLynne

As a "big girl" the first thing I look for is how many runners there are as big or bigger than me. It's just what I do. At a 5k, there are usually a number of women bigger than me and many my size. Today that wasn't the case. Apparently adding 3k eliminates a lot of plus size runners. I did not see anyone my size. My husband told me there were a few other big girls running - but I didn’t' see them. Talk about a head trip - I was really nervous! The announcer released my group and we're off! Less than a quarter mile in, I realized that I may not have thought this race all the way through. Let me just mention, I'm scared of heights. I used to be terrified of heights - now I'm just scared. I mostly do fine with them but bridges still can bring on a panic attack for me. The name of this race: Beat the Bridge. Um. Like I said, I may have overlooked part of the planning this race out. So less than a quarter mile from the start, there's a bridge - n...

short and sweet:  Friday weigh in:  200.0 woohooo!! Today's 10k - 5 miles, 59:13 - UNDER AN HOUR!!!  I'm SO over the moon on both counts! Talked to hubby about OA meeting next week.  He vows that will make it next week.  So now I've got backup.  And I will make it.  Saw a few people at church today who made such positive comments on how I've changed - that felt good, no doubt about it!! Also got to go on a motorcycle ride which always bouys my mood! Now I'm headed to bed to try and get the week off on the right - and well rested - foot!! Oh ya, and I signed up for a triathalon!!!  Definately a gold star day. How was everyone else's weekend - good, bad, neutral? TTFN, LauraLynne

so - to recap my goals: So - today - 12 mile training run. *check* I did 10 miles - ran out of time.  Tomorrow - day off to grocery shop, meal plan, run, take care of business  *sort of check* I got a lot done for my husband, some laundry, made it to the post office - didn't get MY stuff done but was busy all day long (I could really use more Friday's off - it was glorious!) Saturday - errands, OA, double header baseball game and pick up race packet *well, sigh* I got up at 4am to get my husband out the door - he was volunteering for a local car club - fell back asleep just in time for him to barge in and rummage around - he couldn't find his wallet.  Fell back asleep and woke to the alarm - headed down to our shop to let a friend in - he was working there for the day.  Goofed around on the office computer while waiting (I was early).  Headed home for another hour sleep before leaving for OA meeting.  Woke up by husband telling me that the webpage ...

For the past week, I've been exhausted.  Like 9 hours of sleep at night, 2.5 hour nap, another 10 hours at night - exhausted.  By 5pm my eyes feel like I've been swimming all day, watched 3 sad movies, and then fell asleep with my contacts in - I can't keep my eyes open!! On top of that - when I do sleep - I'm dreaming!!  Like epic long dreams!! Crazy stuff - stuff that doesn't really relate to life, just random dreams (Last night's was that I was hired to - um - 'entertain' William and Harry - as in England's princes.  where did THAT come from?!) Nutrition related?  Stress related?  I'm not sure.  I need to figure it out though. Now the chicken/egg dilema: I haven't been running for 5 days now.  I've been too tired.  I tried on Sunday - ran about 3 blocks before turning around and walking home.  I then took a nap.  The kind where you wake up and you're not sure what decade it is.  So - I'm going to throw a wrench int...

well - I'm still not able to stay off the scale - but it's keeping me sane right now.  I've been in a slump in the running department - I took 4 days off.  I've got my running stuff with me today and plan to run tonight.  Part of my slump has been I've been exhausted - it's a chicken/egg thing.  I haven't been able to sleep well, because I'm not exercising or because I was?  I'm not sure.  Either way...I'm baaaack! From a food point of view, I've been doing surprisingly well. I haven been only mentally tracking and I haven't stayed away from sugar but I have been under control.  Not even 'relatively' under control - but truly having a good food week.   This Saturday I'm trying to clear up my schedule for the OA meeting - it's never simple, my calander looks like I'm scheduling a full work team of 10 but it's only me.  There's just SO much to do!  work is slow right so at least there's not a lot of added...

So - first of all - today I got dressed and came to work.   Just another Monday.  Nothing usual there.  Until a co-worker commented on how it's time for me to go shopping.  So I head into the bathroom and look into the full length mirror.  Sure enough, I look like the incredible shrinking woman.  My pants and sweater are too big.  I'm not complaining - this is indeed bragging.  It's time to donate some of my stuff.  I'm a little scared to.  What if...well, I'm sure you all know the paragraph that comes after that.  So tonight I will weed through the clothes and donate the too big stuff. I will  NOT go back.  This journey is about moving forward. And on the pride note - several people at work know I'm losing weight, most of them know I'm running and participating in races.  A few of them know I've done races in the past (triathalons).  There's one guy that stopped me in the kitchen awhile back and we we...

First - and foremost - Happy Mother's Day!! Secondly - my Friday weigh in - 201.8 *phew* I'm so close to 199.8!  One more pound... Maybe next Friday! Lastly - Motherhood trumped OA meeting yesterday.  My husband had to work and my son had a baseball game - so I didn't make it ot the meeting.  Next week.  And I told my husband next Saturday, no matter what, I'm going.  *sigh* In running news - on Friday was my long run.  I ran a path around Greenlake in Seattle.  The path is 2.8 miles so I had to run 4 laps to get my 11 miles in.  My training plan is to run 3 minutes, walk 1 minute but I've been pushing that to see where my limits are.  Mostly they're mental.  It's still difficult to run - from a muscle point of view.  Aerobically, I don't struggle much (someday I'll explain my seriously effed up aerobic system - I can't achieve a heart rate over 120 - no. matter. what.)  Anyway...so I did 3/1 intervals for the first lap...

So in reading the blogs I follow, I ran across this one today.  And as I was leaving a comment, I had a long line of thought.  I kept the comment brief - but here's the rest of the thought She was noticing that she never thought twice about her skinny friends - or how they got that way.  She just assumed it was genetic.  She's discovering that it's not the case - that many of her skinny friends work to BE skinny, it doesn't just happen.  But while they're working on being skinny, it's not always healthy.  It's the old "not all calories are created equal" argument. My line of thinking went along simliar lines in that I'm often envious of other people's eating - they seem to be enjoying it, it doesn't overwhelm them, they don't seem to be obsessed about what they eat.  They dig into the pizza at the meeting even while I'm munching on my planned lunch and trying to guess if her jeans are a size 2 or a size 4.  But what I may ...

Arm - 15" Bust - 43" waist - 35.5" Hips - 46" Thigh - 27" Calf - 18" so there you have it.  I will measure again June 1.

First up, how April ended up: Under 195 - nope 100 sit ups - didn't even try Keep working the 12 steps - fell short Track all food daily - nope, about 70% success Sign up for May 10K - Beat the Bridge - May 16  *WIN* Sign up for Summer Tri - not yet Train daily for Fall 1/2 Marathon - TOTALLY!  *WIN* fit into size goal pants - they fit!  snug still but fit better! Take progress pictures - nope Make 5 new receipes - I don't think so Weigh in only 2x a week - not even close.     April wrap up - not so good.  I back slid a lot. A didn't track, I didn't cook, I generally struggled a lot. but that's last month.  It's May now - a clean slate.  And I've got all new goals!   Under 195 Attend 4 or more OA meetings Track all food daily Sign up for Summer/Fall tri Train daily for Fall 1/2 marathon Take progress pictures Take and track measurements cook at home at least 5 days a week one long bike ride a week (one hour or more - ...

so...yesterday wasn't so good.  I went to the candy bowl more often than I can even remember (is there a medical chocolate black out?) and I ate a large lunch (leftovers of roast and rice-a-roni).  I was in the midst of a slide - and gaining speed.  As I realized I was going to have to go out and run (it was a 5.6 mile day - I love how that just rolls off my tongue now!), I decided that all this eating was just plain stupid and I was out of control.  So I stopped for a moment and put everything I ate into my tracker.  Now here's the part that confuses some people.  With my run calories, I was still 300 calories UNDER for the day.  In most people's books - that's a win.  For me, it's not just the calories, it's the feelings, the emotions, the "eff it, you're not worth saving" mentality.  It's also the sneaking, the obsessing, the utter feeling of loss of control.  THOSE are the things I want to "fix".  The weight?  Sure, it'd b...

I called the leader of the OA group I'm going to go to on Saturday.  I had a few questions and mainly I wanted a point of contact - someone to 'look' for when I got there.  I talked to his wife for a little while, she was able to answer my questions (I'm all about information!) and she gave me her husband's cell phone and I will follow up later this week so that I'm committed to going.  I'm excited.  And scared.  And hopeful.  And terrified.  But mostly relieved.  Step 0 - making the decision to just do it.  Meanwhile today's been a chocolate parade at my desk.  Several (ok - 8, 9 10?) mini chocolate bars.  I'm not proud.  And tonight I have to run - 5 miles.  And I signed up for another race - a 10k in July.  Running is a great way for me to measure my progress without (and sometimes despite!) the scale. I need to recap my April goals and set some May goals.  Maybe tomorrow! TTFN, LauraLynne

I try not to brag on him too much - makes other partners look bad (just kidding - they're all awesome otherwise you wouldn't have married them, right!?) Ok - so this morning we were discussing our weekly schedule - who's got what and when.  I mentioned that this week I WOULD find an OA meeting to attend but I wasn't sure what night.  I breezed through the sentence and expected to move right into the next topic, whatever that was. Instead - my brilliant, caring, dead sexy husband says to me "Do you want me to go with you?" *boggle* See - I told you - awesome.  end bragging (for now...) So - that being said - for those of you who go to OA, do you have support people that come with you?  curious minds and all of that... TTFN, LauraLynne

What do I see when I look in the mirror? I see lines starting to form on my forehead. I see, at 41, the lines all women dread I see creases when smiles alight. I see hair too frizzy and never quite right. I see shoulders too broad and breasts that sag. I see arms too weak with batwings that bag. I see a rounded stomach where flat should be. I see hips too wide for all to see. I see thighs with bags and knees too fat. I see calves so large, I hate that. Not much about the image I see Makes me happy or jump with glee. But change is coming – count on this And someday my image will fill me with bliss. Ok – corny, I know. But at the root of all of this was something that happened today. When I’m unhappy with myself, I rarely look in the mirror. I have wash and go hair and I don’t wear makeup. I’ve learned to put in contacts without mirrors – if they all were taken out of the house, I wouldn’t miss them, not one bit. I have a very distorted image of myself. I know that. Ratio...