Skip to main content

day 1 - and a little revelation that helped

so...yesterday wasn't so good.  I went to the candy bowl more often than I can even remember (is there a medical chocolate black out?) and I ate a large lunch (leftovers of roast and rice-a-roni).  I was in the midst of a slide - and gaining speed.  As I realized I was going to have to go out and run (it was a 5.6 mile day - I love how that just rolls off my tongue now!), I decided that all this eating was just plain stupid and I was out of control.  So I stopped for a moment and put everything I ate into my tracker.  Now here's the part that confuses some people.  With my run calories, I was still 300 calories UNDER for the day. 
In most people's books - that's a win.  For me, it's not just the calories, it's the feelings, the emotions, the "eff it, you're not worth saving" mentality.  It's also the sneaking, the obsessing, the utter feeling of loss of control.  THOSE are the things I want to "fix".  The weight?  Sure, it'd be great to weigh less - name ONE woman who doesn't think that.  But really I want the head games under control.  I want to be able to walk past the candy bowl without a tidal wave of emotions.  I want to turn down the leftovers in the office kitchen, I want to grocery shop without the tears. 
And it's all up to me.  So today is Day 1 (again - I feel pathetic). 
I will track every morsal
I will NOT eat candy.
I will stay current on my running plan
I will continue to plan on going to the OA meeting on Saturday.
I will work towards my goals. 

So there.  And I will post up my goals results for April and my new goals for May later today. 

And it's Wonderful Wednesday!  How about comments with your favorite quotes!

TTFN,
LauraLynne

Comments

Laura said…
I want to point out something really important, you were in control... you did stop. You tracked it, you identified that you were starting to eat without thought, you took back the control that you felt slipping. So, count this as day 1 if you need to, but Laura Lynne, in my book you were still in control.

I totally get the need to take emotion out of eating though, I think it is really good to journal when those moments happen and really identify what was going on in your mind when it happened. That way, the next time you start to have those emotions, maybe you can have a plan for how to deal. You are doing awesome Laura Lynne, don't forget to give yourself credit for the things you are doing right, even when other things are going wrong!
May 5, 2010 at 7:19 AM
LauraLynne said…
thank you. *sigh* I just want it to be easy and I have to be ok with the fact that it's not. :)
May 5, 2010 at 8:49 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Creating a Breakthrough

Thank you to Keelie - I'm rising to her challenge. She says: I would venture to say that for most people who are trying to lose weight and get healthy right now, it's not their first rodeo. We've pretty much all been here before and we keep ending up back in the same spot. Overweight, tired, frustrated, and desperate. Why? Not sure. But I want to challenge you to do something that might help make this the LAST time you find yourself here. I really believe that this is the last time I am going to be here and the difference this time is that I set myself up for a breakthrough early on. After that day, I knew I could do things differently than I ever had before--in all areas of my life. The way to do this is to set a goal. Probably a physical activity goal but it doesn't have to be. Think of a goal that is totally attainable and something that can be done in the course of a day, week at the most. The quicker you reach this goal the better. Now think about this goal and si...
3 comments
Read more

day 1 no sugar...again.... and finding an OA meeting

Today I read a blog that really finally pushed me over the edge.  In a good way.  I NEED OA.  I went to the meetings with my church group, got started, really had some good break throughs, but I can't do this on my own.  I need to quit dinking around and find a meeting to go to.  It won't be a quick fix, but I'm really struggling with the food addiction part on my own.  And recently I've been lecturing a friend about their husband's addiction.  His addiction is gambling - and he's stooped to stealing from family it's that bad.  And he goes to meetings but - as she tells me - they don't HAVE 12 steps there, it's "too complicated with all the religion stuff."  So I've been preaching the 12 step program to her...hypocritical of me since I haven't followed through on my own meetings.  Today I find a meeting and by this time next week, I will attend a meeting. I am powerless over sugar.  Last night after I blogged about day whatever ...
10 comments
Read more

8k Race report - the details!

As a "big girl" the first thing I look for is how many runners there are as big or bigger than me. It's just what I do. At a 5k, there are usually a number of women bigger than me and many my size. Today that wasn't the case. Apparently adding 3k eliminates a lot of plus size runners. I did not see anyone my size. My husband told me there were a few other big girls running - but I didn’t' see them. Talk about a head trip - I was really nervous! The announcer released my group and we're off! Less than a quarter mile in, I realized that I may not have thought this race all the way through. Let me just mention, I'm scared of heights. I used to be terrified of heights - now I'm just scared. I mostly do fine with them but bridges still can bring on a panic attack for me. The name of this race: Beat the Bridge. Um. Like I said, I may have overlooked part of the planning this race out. So less than a quarter mile from the start, there's a bridge - n...
13 comments
Read more