Laura Gets Shit Done

So - first things first.  I have a confession.  *deep breath*  I binged.  I really wish I had someone to call when I was going through it - I felt it happening and more than anything I wanted someone to tell me to stop.  I could have called my husband - but as much as he loves me, he doesn't quite "get" it.  Here's what happened, in the hopes that  can interrupt it myself next time.... I've been feeling poorly lately - sick, tired, downright grumpy.  Not sure why <----excuse #1 I had a bad day at work and left early <-----  excuse #2 I was hungry <----- excuse #3 and I fell back on old habits.  I stopped by the grocery store intending to buy a soda and be on my merry way.  On the way in, my inner dialog determined that I was hungry and that dinner was long enough away that a snack was warranted.  I went down my list - no candy, no chips.  Ok.  Fine, I'm getting used to that.  But then my brai...

I just want to hug every single contestant...I know that it's edited to show the peaks of emotions but I can't help but imagine all the emotions every one of those contestants are going through.  They've publicly admitted they can't do it alone, they're in worse shape than they imagined (aren't we all...), and they're in for a very hard time wrapped in the guise of a reality/game show.  But at the same time it's really the opportunity of a lifetime.  We all have our journeys to go on - 10 pounds or 400.  Food issues, body image issues, emotional issues, so much that's gone before today.  It all adds up to who we are.  But our journey is at our pace.  Stop and start - sprints and jogging - whatever we're comfortable with at the time.  But all of the Biggest Loser contestant have to be honest and open with their emotions - being dragged out of them at times.  But none of it is at their pace.  Rarely are they within their comfort level, e...

I really should stay away from the 'stat' button on my Blogger dashboard...but this one cracked me up.  someone found my blog via a Google search.  weight loss, diets, size 12 - those have been searches in the past.  There was even one about speedos that came to my blog (ya, I'm sure they were disappointed too...) But this one takes the cake and has me cracking up.  Someone found my blog for searching for: Sexy Motorcycle Model BAHAHAHAHAHAH...sorry folks.  I do ride a motorcycle...my husband thinks I'm sexy...and I have posed for pictures which technically makes me a "model" by definition, right?  But I don't think that I'm what someone had in mind when they used those search terms.  Oh well.  maybe someday!  Off to go running - 3.2 miles tonight.  I was waiting for hubby to get home but I haven't heard from him, he's hard at work, so I've got to go get these miles under my belt.  TTFN, LauraLynne

Let me first start by saying that truly - in my life, even with struggles, I'm blessed. With friends, family, and opportunities. Saturday was an annual motorcycle ride with a great group of friends. 10 of us headed at warp speed up to Winthrop, WA - a 130 mile one way trip on excellent roads. We made it in *ahem* really good time with little to no traffic, no mishaps, and perfect weather. Riding really does bring me back to center, reminds me of all the things that are good in life, and generally leaves me smiling. The day ended with an oyster BBQ at a friend's house...and boy oh boy does he BBQ a mean oyster - I'm drooling just thinking about it! My victory of the day was at the BBQ - like so many other BBQ's - there were chips. Ruffled ones even! My (former *sigh*) favorites. But I didn't eat one. I thought about it, schemed, rationalized, even contemplated cheating and starting the count over on the chip exclusion count. But I didn't. You read tha...

not all my aches and pains are due to weight.  When my back hurts, it's because I've been OVER active...not because i'm overWEIGHT.  my active weekend has left me in pain - not injury, not chronic ache - but "oh boy, you've got MUSCLES" kind of ache.  I'm off to take a tylenol and then head out golfing - I've never golfed before - wish me luck! TTFN, LauraLynne

I wish I could find the list of things I dreamed of doing when I first considered Gastric Bypass.  I'm sure it contained some of the "usual" ones:  cross my legs, fit comfortably at the movies/airplane/behind the steering wheel, get up off the floor gracefully, walk a flight of stairs without stopping, play with my kids, swing in a swing, and a few others I've since forgotten.  What I didn't realize is all the OTHER things I would be able to do.  This line of thinking is prompted by my husband's question to me tonight.  He asked "how's the blog going - did you tell them about riding motorcycles for 2 full days?!" and then he asked "do you talk about the things you do on a regular basis that you couldn't have done at 300 pounds??" The answer was no.  I haven't been 300 pounds in about 9 years.  But recently I was 240 pounds.  January.  240 pounds.  It wasn't as bad as 300 - but it wasn't good either.  So here's ...

I'm BAAACK!  5 days away - it's our first vacation this year.  And boy was it packed with excitement!  Saturday was the trialthon - that deserves a post of it's own.  I came in fourth in my division with a lot of room for improvement for next year!  But I was happy with my results.  Saturday night was a wedding - in the pouring rain.  I mean BUCKETS!  Being from Seattle you say "but you're used to rain..."  No.  We're used to drizzle.  This was Rain.  There were tents to protect us but at the top of the hill (which would have been beautiful in decent weather) it was pouring, windy, and cold.  The wedding kept us distracted - it was amazing.  I danced a little with the husband - who doesn't dance so I was thrilled when he joined me on the dance floor!  Then back to the hotel in the driving rain. Sunday and Monday were motorcycle class - learning motocross racing is hard friggin work!  I sweated and worked m...

Triathlon in the bag!! Finished, little disappointed in my bike portion but overall happy!! Bottom line: more bike riding over the winter and continue the running and swimming. Today's effort got me fourth place in my division! I'm going to be frustrated if third place was mere minutes ahead if me. But fourth place baby!! Next up: wedding in Portland tonight and then 2 days of motorcycle racing camp! In store for October: boot camp and getting this body in shape! I'm excited. And hopeful. And smiling. TTFN, LauraLynne

not feeling well (still have a nasty cough), home alone, and stress.  The Perfect Storm.  But it's nearly dinner time and still no binge.  I didn't plan out meals for today so it was that much more of a struggle when you add actual hunger to the equation.  But I'm making it.  The day's not over.  But I'm through the worst of it.  I wanted more than anything to dive into a giant bag of chips - who would know?  I was alone, hungry, stressed, have a cold, have a race tomorrow - all the "reasons" I needed in the past.  Today I made it through with healthy choices.  A PB&J on sandwich thin, a pear, a granola bar.  No chips.  No candy.  Tonight's meal is pasta - carb loading for tomorrow's triathalon (#82 in the house!! *huZZah*). I'm proud of myself for pushing through.  Minute by minute, hour by hour.  But it's hard.  There's no doubt about it.  It's still hard.  And it might always be....

well, not death.  But a cold that knocked me flat for 2.5 days.  Started with a scratchy throat - oh, who am I kidding, nobody wants the run down.  I was sick enough to stay home from work.  Nuff Said.  How it relates to weight loss - Yesterday morning my scale may have read 196.6 - but I thought it might be the meds and a mild hallucination.  This morning however, it read 197.4.  I'm almost half way to my goal!  195 is half way - 45 down, 45 to go.  I want to be on the downhill side of all of this!! I was describing to a friend today how eliminating some foods is working for me.  It's been more than just eliminating that source of calories - it's been more than preventing binge triggers.  It's made me thoughtful.  Eating has been like a reflex for me.  It should be a reflex for hunger but somewhere along the way it became a reflex for everything.  Sad - eat.  Happy - eat.  Tired, bored, frustrated - eat...

What's wrong with this picture?  Well, I'm still on track...eating healthy foods, working out, finding a nice balance between keep track of what I'm eating and not obsessing about what I'm eating.  Yesterday brought lots of food - we celebrated my son's birthday so family and friends came to teh house.  He requested mac and cheese (and I will not make that from a box!) so I served mac and cheese along with a decent salad bar and several bowls of fruit.  It was uber healthy but everyone seemed to enjoy it!  I did have part of a piece of cake - but refined sugar hasn't been eliminated yet.  I paid dearly for it with a stomach ache later though.  Just more signs of being on the right track in my mind.  Weight is down to 198 but it seems so much less important these days.  Just making it through a day without the foods I'm eliminated seems like a win to me.  The shift in thinking has been interesting.  Mind boggling actually....

I find - and I think a lot of people are like this - that if I schedule exercise, I'm more likely to do it.  Just "getting to the gym every day" isn't good enough.  Signing up for a class or a group - that will keep me moving.  For my marathon training, I wrote out 15 weeks of running - and held myself accountable.  But since then - and that was JUNE - I've been horrible at going out and moving.  I've done a few races and with a triathlon right around the corner, I've been more dilligent about getting in the pool and getting on the bike.  I sucked at the swim in my last race and the negative voices that told I me should have trained more were right.  I really want to try and avoid that for the next race.  But what then?  I won't have a race until December - and left to my own device, I'll play mafia wars until then and then beat myself up for lack of planning.  So today I signed up for  6 week unlimited boot camp.  Oy vey....

I was replying to a comment on my original post - and I had a small epiphany:  The elimination has been hard.  Harder than moderation.  Going without vs. trying to moderate has been a lot harder for me.  But I'm doing it.  And I'm concentrating on one event at a time.  It automatically breaks it down for me and I have daily successes.  Grocery shopping - no chips or candy.  Drive by the convinience store - don't stop.  There are bittersweet chocolate chips in my cupboard for cookies (eventually) - they're all still there..... I still have to have little pep talks to get through each moment of struggle.  But it's getting easier.  At least sometimes.  There are some days where I really just want to bag it.  Candy's on sale...chips are cheap (and SO yummy!).  But then I remember my progress.  And that I'm accountable.  To you guys (thank you!) and to my husband (my biggest supporter!) and my ki...

Today's weigh in was 200.8 - felt so good not to see 202 on there - it's been a very long time!  Maybe the eliminating is working... This weekend has been full of working - not the "paycheck" kind of work, but yard work, house work, computer work.  The yard is closer to civilized - it was a jungle.  The house is closer to clean (I hate cleaning the house!!) and there is a calander on the fridge with this week's meals posted.  There's even matching inventory in the fridge to go with that menu!!  I love 3 day weekends - this one was actually 3.5 days.  Oh how I wish I could do this every weekend - between the 2+ hour commute a day and 40 hours a week of work - there just aren't enough hours in a week to get everything done.  My to-do list is getting shorter but it's still nothing less than several pages long.  I need to paint the walls, I need to organize pictures, there's so much that I WANT to get done.  The upside of working so ha...

It's been one month already - no, not that...but no candy!!  That's right - no so much as a dinner mint.  There's still been some sweets, but really I'm not that big of a sweets fan - the candy was more habit and easy to grab than anything. It's still habit - I still struggle a little with wanted to grab it first - when I'm at the gas station, when I'm hungry, sad, angry, frustrated.  Somehow my brain still thinks candy makes it ok.  But I'm abstaining.  And it's been one month. And I've been without chips for...let me count (errr...how embarassing is that?!), well, not even a week (why does it feel like so much longer?!).  I had one night at dinner that without thinking I ate some tortilla chips (Mexican restaurant) - but that just reinforced the fact that this is all about breaking HABITS.  It's funny how much of our day we spend doing things without thinking about it - for some it's their jobs, for some it's driving, for some...

Part 1 here so I set off on the run - knowing I had 3 laps to complete the entire event.  But with voices in my head - dialog I mean - telling me I could stop at either of the first 2 laps and call it done. Lap one - I was still surrounded by plenty of runners.  Including the speedo-clad high school water polo team.  As the runners passed in front of me I noticed, in this order, shoulders *dreamy sigh*, muscular backs, tapered waists, speedo covered butts...and their ages marked on their calves.  14, 15, 17...Holy cow, I'm going to jail.  My SON is 14 almost 15.  When did I get so old (and lecherous?!).  Back to the running... The loop starts out uphill, then goes uphill more.  Oh boy.  Then it does a rolling downhill (which in my brain I saw it as "uphill on the way back, enjoy it while you can!"), then flat for an out and back loop.  There's a Y in the course with 2 volunteers pointing out which direction to go - all runners he...

Last night's race was full of win! Not the podium type though. No, not even close. In fact, I was the last athlete in. By a large margin. Most, if not all, had left already even! But did that bother me?? No!! I was SO proud of what I did. A few things about the race: they started late so I was already concerned about making it to the finish line before they closed the course and starting close to 30 minutes late meant I had that much less time!! I was already a nervous wreck and that didn't help... Helping was the fact that the race was all run through a local park - the course was 2 laps around the buoys in the lake, 2 identical 1.55 mile laps and 1 more longer lap to total 1000m swim (.6 miles) and 8k run (5 miles). So I knew if there were signs that I was going to completely run out of time, I could just stop at the completion of a lap and not do the full distance. I was still super nervous. God bless my husband, he decided to come with and cheer me on. I was tempted t...

between you and me - I'm terrified.  I can swim.  I can run.  But there's a possiblity that the race will end before I can finish both of those!  I'm at home early just making sure I've got everything, I'll probably grab a quick nap, and then head down to the race site.  I'm so very nervous!!  I'm pretty sure I'll do fine...I just want to finish bfore they close the course...oh please let me finish before they close the course!! Ok.  So now that it's out there...maybe I can relax and try to enjoy the rest of my day! I'll report back tomorrow. TTFN, LauraLynne