I'm starting over. Again.

Nearly 5 years later...
I'm pretty sure nobody cares or reads this but...this was started for me and I'll continue for me. It's a bunch of years later - I lost 40 pounds and then gained 70. I'm currently sitting at 249. And not just 249 pounds but WOEFULLY out of shape. I joined a gym last December. Went twice. Need to cancel my membership, I'm paying a stupid tax every month.
Then, last weekend, I was at a BBQ when a friend of mine casually said 'you should come run the Portland half marathon with us!'
And apparently I was temporarily possessed by...something... and I said yes.
So my running is starting up again. (I literally just took a deep breath and let it out slowly).
I have been running all week now, that sounds so much better than 3 days. I can't even run a mile. I can't even RUN for 1/3 of a mile. But I started from zero before. And I'm doing it again. And I'm not planning on WINNING the half marathon - just not dying.
I'm on Instagram now too - goalsize_Strong. But not a lot of space for long rambling thoughts there.
I'm struggling with the whole starting over thing. And the whole "gained 70 pounds" thing. And a lot of things. But I'm going to try my best.
So here I go...blogging again. Because one of the most motivating things this round is re-reading my blog. SO, in case I ever have to start from zero again, here I am - you can do this! :)

LauraLynne

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day 1 no sugar...again.... and finding an OA meeting

Today I read a blog that really finally pushed me over the edge. In a good way. I NEED OA. I went to the meetings with my church group, got started, really had some good break throughs, but I can't do this on my own. I need to quit dinking around and find a meeting to go to. It won't be a quick fix, but I'm really struggling with the food addiction part on my own. And recently I've been lecturing a friend about their husband's addiction. His addiction is gambling - and he's stooped to stealing from family it's that bad. And he goes to meetings but - as she tells me - they don't HAVE 12 steps there, it's "too complicated with all the religion stuff." So I've been preaching the 12 step program to her...hypocritical of me since I haven't followed through on my own meetings. Today I find a meeting and by this time next week, I will attend a meeting. I am powerless over sugar. Last night after I blogged about day whatever ...

PHEW - She's a Brick....hoooouse....no, wait.

Ok. So tonight I planned on running. Came home, sat down for little while. Forced myself to get up and put on my running clothes. Went out the front door...was NOT feeling it. Came back inside disppointed. Sat down. Got up, changed shoes, pulled out the spinner (stationary bike) and put a scary movie on. Biked for 1 hour 3 minutes. about 1 hour 2 min. in I decided I was going to put in a mile run afterwards - in triathalon training it's called a "brick". It's meant to simulate the transition from one event to another. From swim to bike or from bike to run. Doing a brick teaches you just how it feels - in this case my legs were JELLO from the biking. But I ran. One mile. in 12 min. 42 seconds - not too shabby!! But better than that - I broke my streak of "nothing". And I had a good dinner, one piece of flatbread pizza and a large tomato salad (no pictures, sorry). About 200...

Yes, I'd like some cheese with my whine!!

I'm so frustrated. No matter what I do, the nagging binging voice will not go away. I feel like I struggle with it more than 'normal'. This IS addiction. I recognize that. And sometimes I win the battle, I silence the voice. But lately, and especially after this weekend, the voice is loud and obnoxious. And convincing. Today it was a box of Fiddle Faddle. I mean come on. Not even chocolate. Fiddle Faddle. I don't really even LIKE Fiddle Faddle, not really. But that was part of the binge. At least I wasn't binging on something I love. That makes it ok, right? Jeez. I see progress on the scale - at least mostly. And I'm wearing smaller sizes. And I friggin' ran SEVEN MILES tonight. Could I have done that in December? Not even with a gun to my head. Then why can't I feel proud. Feel progress. Feel the effort?? I'm frustrated. All of this fe...

Laura Gets Shit Done

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