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running in the rain!

One more 5K in the bag - I fininshed in about 38 minutes, slower than I wanted but the demons were weighing me down.  I want my self doubt removed - please?!  My brain was YELLING at me:
"you can't do this"
"why are you here"
"stop this non sense now, you don't belong"
"who do you think you're kidding?"

I heard the voices loud and clear and I fought them with all my might.  To the point of tears in a few locations.  I CAN do this - I HAVE done it - I'm capable, worthy and able!! 

It feels like someone is running along side me, tugging at my sleeve, slowing me down.  I feel like I'm walking a very fine line of sanity.  I'm just not sure which side I'm on. 

Eating...the voices have won there today.  But I will continue to fight them.  I've got a birthday lunch for my sister, a graduation party for my cousins, and then an adoption party for our friends.  I feel like I'm walking on a field of landmines with no regard for my own safety.  I've GOT to get this under control. 

I will be asking God for help along to way today. 

And hopefully, with His help, I'll avoid most of the mines. 

Half marathon in less than 3 weeks.  I need to get the voices under control by then.  I'll start by running MORE and showing them who's boss.

Me.

TTFN,
LauraLynne

Comments

Morgan said…
Wouldn't it be nice if there was a surgery to remove self-doubt? And one to implant self-confidence? I would so go for those surgeries!
June 6, 2010 at 3:17 PM
Morgan said…
Wouldn't it be nice if there was a surgery to remove self-doubt? And one to implant self-confidence? I would so go for those surgeries!
June 6, 2010 at 3:17 PM
PJ Geek said…
Be proud of that 5K. Tell those voices to shut the heck up!
June 6, 2010 at 3:38 PM
RockStarTri said…
Listen to the voices that say "those who train, train in the rain" or "this effort is like a bank deposit waiting to be withdrawn on race day" or "you are amazing even yourself today."

Some days they may be quieter than the naysaying voices but there are there if you listen hard enough. Good job showing them who is boss.
June 6, 2010 at 4:07 PM
Mr.s Gokey said…
My self doubt hits be at about mile one. I tell myself that I am not a runner and ask why I am even trying to pretend. I have to fight my inner self doubt!
June 6, 2010 at 4:47 PM
The Me Within said…
Wow a 5K. I have to do this as one of y first goals. Hey I noticed you were following my blog and I just wanted to say Hey and thank you! I am following your and look forward to it. Hope your doin great!

TheMeWithin.com
June 6, 2010 at 11:29 PM
Mad Woman said…
Take your own food along to the parties...then you've got something "safe" to eat. :)

Congrats on another 5K under your belt ...that's amazing!
June 7, 2010 at 7:44 PM
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