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that little voice in my head is an a**hole

I haven't been as heavy as I am now (250) in almost 2 decades.  I forgot how hard it is.  Physically and mentally.  And I'm spiraling lately.  It's been so very hard.  Everything has been hard.  I've been struggling with my weight - the pure numbers - my clothes, my ability to do simple daily activities, my self loathing, my eating.  Everything.  I feel like this literally effects every single aspect of my life.  And I HATE it.  H.A.T.E.  This weekend was especially brutal on me.  I am a retired motorcycle racer and now I work for a track time organization and ride during their events.  My race suit was custom made about 15 years ago.  It still has lots of life left in it.  But it was custom made for 200 pound me and doesn't even come close to fitting 250 pound me.  So I finally caved and ordered another custom made suit.  I send in all my measurements and waited.  There were some hiccups and dela...
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PHEW - She's a Brick....hoooouse....no, wait.

Ok.  So tonight I planned on running.  Came home, sat down for  little while.  Forced myself to get up and put on my running clothes.  Went out the front door...was NOT feeling it.  Came back inside disppointed.  Sat down.  Got up, changed shoes, pulled out the spinner (stationary bike) and put a scary movie on.  Biked for 1 hour 3 minutes.  about 1 hour 2 min. in I decided I was going to put in a mile run afterwards - in triathalon training it's called a "brick".  It's meant to simulate the transition from one event to another.  From swim to bike or from bike to run.  Doing a brick teaches you just how it feels - in this case my legs were JELLO from the biking.  But I ran.  One mile.  in 12 min. 42 seconds - not too shabby!!  But better than that - I broke my streak of "nothing".  And I had a good dinner, one piece of flatbread pizza and a large tomato salad (no pictures, sorry).  About 200...
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Today starts no sugar

This feels harder than no candy and no chips. And it started by throwing the oreos in the GARBAGE. And not the trash at my house - no, these went into the trash at the bus stop. Bye bye. (I'm imagining some homeless dude chowing down on his amazing find...) Now I need to grocery shop and fill my house with fruits and veggies! TTFN, LauraLynne
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