Laura Gets Shit Done

Weekends are such a challenge for me - too much time, not enough planning, I struggle to stick to my plan for the days I'm home.  So Sunday nights, when I've managed to not eat my weight in savory foods and I've successfully managed to impulsively put together 6 different meals - some of them even at restaurants - and stick to my numbers.  It's such a great feeling.  I can do this.  That's not to say it's easy.  I have to live with the idea that it may NEVER be easy.  But I have to find satisfaction in making it through a day - or a weekend - at a time.  Chalk this one up to another weekend survived! Tomorrow:  March goals!  Stay tuned! TTFN LauraLynne

If one more person tells me I'm not eating enough, I'm going to kick them right in the Gulliver!   I've been hesitant to post meal plans (stay tuned though - I'm feeling rebellious now!!) because I'm sick to DEATH of people analyzing what I'm eating.  how about you pay attention to your body and it's needs and I'll pay attention to mine.  I'm eating around 1200 calories a day.  And losing around 2 pounds a week.  Healthy loss.  Slow and steady.  Nothing drastic.  So why is it that people feel the need to tell me that 1200 calories is not enough.  Obviously it is.  I'm eating healthy food (mostly) and I'm changing my eating habits.  That's the POINT of all of this.  The side benefit is weight loss.  I have what I like to refer to as a stubborn metabolism.  I have a hard time losing weight (hello Captain OBVIOUS!).  Right now it's compounded by the fact that I'm not a spring chicken.  Or as my doctor so deli...

So - assuming we're all adults here - or nearly adults - or at least adult-like, looking back on your life as it led up to being overweight, struggling with food, arriving where we are, what advice would you have given yourself when you first started this struggle?  If you could write a letter to yourself or jump back in time with advice, what would you say?  Can you look back and pinpoint that pivotal time?  Would you go back and ask your parents to do something differently?  Act differently, provide different support?  Would you have appreciated and been able to listen to it from the outside? My purpose is this - my daughter is 16.  And my biggest fear is that she's following me down this path.  The one that leads to 300+ pounds, low self-esteem, poor life choices.  And I'm not sure how to address it.  I've asked myself how I would have changed my OWN path had I known where it leads.  And I don't have the answer.  I know that my...

I'm going to start this one by saying that I saw a low scale of 215.9 this week!!  Last night's super salty and probably WAY more calories than I should have Udon soup is who i'm blaming this morning's number on.  2180.0 I can however appreciate that this is a GOOD number.  It's down from last Friday - it's down from the 5 Friday's before that, and it's down from the 365 Friday's before THAT!  I'm determined to look forward, not back.  218.0 is good.  I deserve self-praise.  And a tiny bit of pride.  NonScale Victories:  More jeans are baggy.  I'm wearing a t-shirt I havne't worn for awhile - one that I did wear at 240 until I saw  picture of myself wearing it...then it went to the back of the closet.  And tonight I'm going to talk to my husband about signing up for the Malibu Marathon (well, half) and just getting off my ass (and away from the computer in the morning) and starting to run.  Off to work with me - TGIF...

A fight, that's what was going on in my brain last night. I had to hit the grocery store on my way home...at 11pm...And I was hungry. I needed Crystal Lite for at work (ya ya - artificial sweeteners - for crying out loud, I'm not giving EVERYTHING up!). And my daughter needed juice for a church group today (hence the 11pm trip). And mostly, I did ok. Hung out in the produce section for a little while, looking for sale items, got my CL, the juice girlchild needed, and a couple boxes of 100 calorie snack packs. I was feeling pretty good about things as I headed for the register. *SCREECH* I saw them. I braced myself, did a little mental check in, so far so good. I'm 2 people back in line (and wow - the people in front of me had a bit much to drink - they smelled heavily of alcohol) and my check in tells me I'm doing ok. I fidget a little as the first couple pays for their munchies and try to distract myself by seeing how long I could hold my breath (ya - the dude in f...

I'm a numbers geek - I love math (don't make *that* face!). Today I stepped on the scale (as usual...) and it said 216.2 back at me (wow - I'm still totally psyched!). so I started doing the math: 23.8 pounds in 53 days = .45 pounds a day 23.8 pounds gone = 83,300 calories cut 83,300 calories cut in 53 days = 1572 calories a day Only 66.2 pounds to go, 147 days at the current rate. I can DO this for 147 days. Monday, July 19, 2010. I COULD be my goal weight by my 42nd birthday. Oh, the possibilities!! Meanwhile, today I'm committed to no chocolate. And so far so good. 7 days no chocolate treats. *Success* I'm still flying high from the LCD screen staring back at me this morning. And in the back of my mind, I'm telling myself to enjoy it because tomorrow that number will be right back where I started. Not likely, but still a lurking fear. I need to start weaning myself from the scale. But I'm not sure how. I'll ponder! I love hearing from those of...

I still expect the scale to show "big numbers, no whammies" but have started to come around to the idea that it's showing smaller numbers slowly and I have to be patient. I'm down 20 pounds. And I need to give myself credit for that. *patting self on back*. And while my decision making isn't perfect - good golly - I'm making WAY better choices than in the past. My brain keeps visiting the "don't give a rip anymore" place and I keep backing it up from there and going back to the other 90% that DOES give a rip. About my health, about my body, about being an example for my 16 year old daughter. Who has developed new stretch marks on her arms. I could cry for her. So this week - I gave up chocolate! And it's everywhere I look!! At my office, at the appointments I've been to lately, and the grocery store?! Fiendish they are at the grocery store. I swear they hate healthy people. They hide the healthy food and mark down the crap. Being frugal, ...

I'm so excited!! I found a great blog the other day with a link to what looks like (and has great reviews!) for healthy easy to fix food. I'm SO GEEKED!! I entered the contest on her blog and I won!! So now I get to try the food for myself (and report back of course!) but I have another great resource - thank you Jessica!! Tomorrow's Saturday and I'm due for an update...I'm still without chocolate and feeling pretty good about that! More tomorrow...I woke my hubby up with my celebrating so I suppose we should go tuck ourselves in for the night... TTFN, LauraLynne

Day 3: no chocolate. And it is getting easier. Not easy. Yet. But easier.

short for now - more later but the scale says 220.4

Ok - so tonight was our OA group. I still need to get this blog up to speed on how that's going. But just a short entry for tonight: willpower. I've got it and never knew it. In the group, we're using a book as a guide - not the normal 12 step book, but a Christian centered 12 step book by Mike O'Neil. now don't ask me how I remember his name but not the title (and I'm too lazy to get up and walk 10' into the kitchen and look - or heaven forbid google...but I digress). In it he said something that really hit it out of the park for me - I had an AH HA moment, a giant epiphany. I have always berated myself for my lack of willpower. Lamented about how difficult it is for me to stay in control of my food. (Day 2: still no chocolate!!) My excuse has always been my weak willpower. But when I look at the reverse, nothing could be farther from the truth. I have the ability to GET food. Anytime, anywhere. Candy corn in April? I've got my ways. Cad...

Yup. Now what I want to know is WHEN will it quit bugging me - you know - that nagging little "but it's JUST a tiny piece of chocolate." It's so much more for me. I want to have control over the food in my life. This includes chocolate. And as I've said before, it's all or nothing for me. So goodbye sweet milk chocolate. Maybe not forever - but certainly for awhile. Which leads me to the throughts rambling (well - what's the term for something going breakneck speed? Oh - careening!) through my head. Why is food such an emotional escape for me? Like most people these days, I have a lot of stress in my life. More than some, less than others. And my brain rarely gets a break from keeping track of all that is my life. Except when I eat. And the feeling of "stress b gone" that comes with it isn't a good one - it's replaced with guilt and analyzing what I'm eating and thinking about what I could have should have would have ea...

I will not eat chocolate. Until 8pm. I'll revist it after that!! *waving* I have my very first follower!! Pressures on, now I have to stay honest and become entertaining (I promise to try at least!).....HI Tiffany UPDATE: 7:40pm and I've even been to the grocery store and still no chocolate. And now I'm full from dinner (chicken breast, tomato/cucumber salad) so I'm going to make it ONE DAY without chocolate! Public accountibility DOES work! And that is my success of the day!@! setback: still no running and I haven't signed up for any races yet...soon, soon! TTFN LauraLynne

I will NOT eat chocolate. *stomping my foot* No. Matter. What. I will revist this after lunch.

between eating what I want and eating what I need. I've been SO grumpy about my food choices - I eat within my calories and I feel deprived (and still don't lose as fast as I want) but I spend several days staying close to my calories and only adding them up at the end of the night and still coming in under (yay!) but then I worry about it most of the day. I can't win. I want to spend 24 hours NOT thinking about food. I am TIRED of having it be the primary focus of my life. There's not anything in my life that I spend more time thinking about - my brain is like a 24/7 food network - only MUCH more dysfunctional. I cracked the OA book today. But it's hard - turning the eye inward. It's so much easier to criicize other people and solve their problems. I justify it that I don't have time. Yet I sit here online for hours at night - NOT working the program. Not taking care of business. Numbing it all. Sometimes with food, more often these days with mi...

suprised me with flowers, chocolate, and reservations. After my day today, it was the perfect combination. And I know - just another Saturday for a lot of couples out there - but planning ahead is monumental for my guy. I am truly blessed.

I ate a real meal. My kids fixed turkey burges and sccallion sticks. And I ate a whole burger. And added up the calories AFTER I ate it. 500 or so. with bun. I went over my calorie limit but I enjoyed eating! I didn't overeat, I only ate a couple of the scallion sticks (deep fried breaded scallions) and I didn't feel deprived. I've been feeling deprived. And mourning food. Time for change. Meal planning. Real meals - no more "I'm eating this because I HAVE to eat this" but real food - planned within my calorie limits. sitting at the table. With my family. And a Much Better Attitude(tm). Happy weekend non-existant readers! TTFN, LauraLynne

I started off with a great week - got down to 219.0! The last few days have been difficult - mentally. I just want to dive back into old habits head first. I'm at nothing lost for the week and that should be a success. But I feel like a failure! 6 weeks - 18 pounds gone, that's 3 a week average. If anyone told me they'd done that, I'd be over the moon for them. ok. enough whining. I KNOW what i need to do. This weekend I resolve to sign up for at least one 5k. And one sprint Tri. And start working out. There, I said it. *deep deep deep breath* I also need more sleep. at some point my body got it's wires crossed and thinks that food=sleep and I'm just struggling to fight the idea that if I eat something, I will wake up more - or feel more rested - or something! I know it's not reality. Ok. Off to research runs and races. TTFN LauraLynne

Ok. So if I cut 1500 calories a DAY out of my diet. And I lose roughly 2 pounds a week then WHY OH WHY when I go a measly 194 calories over my daily limit yesterday does my body GAIN 2 pounds?! How is that possible?! Because while my brain is a math whiz, my body is obviously left brained. Ok. So, deep breath, I know that I shouldn't put so much value into the scale but I want results - short term immediate results. And watching that number go from 219 to 221 in 24 hours is just defeating. Ok. I know. Deep breath. I should weigh myself once a week and call it good. My body fluctuates - I KNOW that - but I want results. Maybe my body was telling me that last night's thoughtless eating SHOULD have consequences. one bag of popchips put me over my limit for the day. Add to that the fact that it was 11:30 when I ate them. And that I didn't portion them. And that I went to bed RIGHT after I ate them. Ok. Maybe 2 pounds does make sense. And now I need to find balance and forgivene...

why is it when someone else says they've lost 20 pounds it sounds amazing but when I say I've lost 20 pounds, it sounds tiny and inconsequential? I see the amazement on other people's faces when I say it buy my own brian won't let me celebrate...why IS that??

Ok - so as I'm wandering through the grocery store tonight (asparagus - NOT cadbury eggs...OMG CADBURY EGGS ARE HERE!!) I have a thought: willpower, mine is weak, that much I'm sure of. It takes all my power NOT to buy impulse food. But for those people who have it - or appear to have it - how do you do it? Is willpower a habit or something learned, or genetic? Are there people out there who just don't CRAVE like I do? I know a portion of mine is the addiction/obsession part of my brain. I do know the habit can be broken - I've done it. Colas - diet or otherwise. Caffeine too. It's been 5 years (or so? I've lost count) since I've had a diet coke. I was a four liter a day drinker. Holy crap - I just said that out loud. Yup. I had a "problem" with diet coke the same way I have a problem with unhealthy food and over eating. One of my problems is that I am an all or nothing person. 2008 I signed up to do a 5k. At the point when I signed up, I could not...

sore mouth means less desire to eat. Today I will stay within my limits and try to use my recouperating time to pre-make a few meals for myself. And go for a walk.

It's been a boring but successful weekend. I don't watch football so that was no issue. But today I ate late (and had a sugar free pudding for breakfast on my way out the door) but then had a great lunch (4oz turkey burger and 2c asparagus) so when we went out to dinner, I could go a little "hog wild". I had a top sirloin (6oz) and 10 shrimp (breaded) and a large salad in place of a potato choice. Still enough calories left for a WW fudge bar. now I'm sipping water trying to ignore my urge to snack. I'm going to head to bed early tonight to catch up on some sleep and avoid any more temptation (hubby is snacking on RITZ across from me!!) I'll refrain from posting my daily weight - it will go up and down...today is down though! :) TTFN, LauraLynne

Ok - I'm going to have to come to grips with there are going to be days where I go 10% over my calories. In the past it was 100% over my calories - so I will have to learn to see 10% over as a success. I woke up with an irrational feer that the scale would show a 18 pound gain. Overnight. As if. Let's just hope it doesn't take 41 years to UNtrain my brain. I've wasted too much time already.

Extraordinary Measure - great movie. Eating whole bag of M&M's - need to forgive myself and move forward. I have a fridge of healthy food...I should have packed a snack. I did make good choices at Red Robin - petite natural burger with a side of steamed broccoli (oh - there was a little hiccup initially when they brought me a shot glass of broccoli - um, EXCUSE ME?! You take my fries and give me TWO pieces of broccoli - I don't THINK so!). Full order of broccoli was brought out with an apology and a "this is on the house". turns out the broccoli was on the house - but it should have been in place of my fries so really the manager was blowing hot air. But anyway - turned out fine. No harm, no foul. And then I wanted chocolate. So I sent hubby for a kit kat bar at the movie theater - the cool think about those is that I know the calorie count per kit kat stick. So it's easier to visualize and quantify how much I'm eating. But the only chocolate ...

Ok - I've decided that since part of the drive to start a blog was to be accountible for my weigh ins. Friday. That's the day. I will start reporting my weight on Fridays. Today it's 222.4 pounds. I'm still struggling with how to format this blog - to keep it organized and, perhaps, make it interesting and helpful for other people. I've been reading other blogs and I'm SO not worthy - I want to just quote so much of what I read because they say what I'm feeling and thinking in a much more witty and entertaining way. so far I'm talking to myself - but maybe someday someone out there will stumble on my blog and read it. or not. But I want to document what I'm feeling and going through on good days and bad. Good days so I have something to read back on when I'm struggling and bad so I can look back and find the lesson. Going on in my brain today is the idea of food as a reward. Get a project done early? Chocolate!! A pat on the head bu...

First of all - it's my youngest sister's birthday today! (commence gopher-shadow-birth jokes...she's heard them all). She's 24 today! Yay sister! today I'm back at work - and armed with lots of food that's good for me and keeps me on plan. I got on the scale this morning and it's moving in the right direction. And now I'm (mentally) struggling with the idea of getting up earlier to start running again. I'm NOT a morning person. When I did this in the past, I would literally have to throw myself out of bed at 4:30 to go work out. I'm going to have to do that again...starting soon. Meanwhile - I'm feeling pretty good about all of this - good food choices will lead to a healthier body. I have to learn patience! I doesn't feel equal right now - I feel a little deprived in the food department compared to the snail's pace weight loss. This is the part where I have to dig in and "just do it." I know the results will be ...